Sunday, April 24, 2011

HAPPY ZOMBIE JESUS DAY!!!!

Seriously, anyone who is dead for three days and comes back to life is a zombie in my book. Back in the day when I was young and growing up I was scared of Jesus. Now its all perfectly clear to me, you know, WHY christians are told from the time they are born to give thier souls to Jesus....Cuz he wants to eat their brains!




For the longest time when I was a small kid and it was around Easter time I had a hard time opening a door to any dark room in the house because I was scared that dead jesus was going to be behind the door and grab me and take me to some unseen place and I never be heard from again.  See my grandfather was a southern baptist minister and when he gave a pulpit pounding sermon you about pissed your pants in fear of jesus and god. To a 5 or 6 year old kid thats just scary man, lol.




As I became a young adult it was starting to become more evident that there was something different about Jesus and his followers like when everyone was hypnotized or in a trance during communion. I know, I know, I was suposed to have my head bowed and my eyes shut but I just had to peak and it was like the congregation's minds had been taken over by some unforeseen diabolical force demanding them to (wait for it...)..."Eat the bread which is my bones and drink the wine which is my blood" EEEEEKKK! Blood and bones! EEEK! Now I knew there was something seriously wrong. As I am looking around the room I am thinking, no,  screaming in my head..." NOOOOO, Don't Do It" but it was too late they had symbolically become Zombie Jesuses too. Needless to say, I didn't return to church for quite awhile, lol.





So to everyone out there have a Happy Zombie Jesus Day and be careful opening any door to a dark room and be careful going passed any caves today....(shudders)

2 comments:

  1. Happy Zombie Jesus Day..aka..Easter, lol

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  2. LOL! Happy Zombie Jesus Day right back at ya, darlin'!

    ReplyDelete